17.12.09
While taking off my bed sheets - readying them from washing - I noticed myself thinking all of the sheets are deep blue except for one white pillow cover. Where the dirt on my blue sheets was hardly noticeable because of their color, I could clearly see the white pillow cover was clean. Therefore, I thought, it doesn't need to be cleaned. After a moment of reflection, I realised that this train of thought of basing purity on outside color is what lead to prejudice. I washed all the sheets.
Actual quote heard from inside the mall: "...this would look really good with a vintage 'the ramones' shirt."
Short socks suck. They fall down the ball of your heal and make walking a chore. Tall socks for now on.
Actual quote heard from inside the mall: "...this would look really good with a vintage 'the ramones' shirt."
Short socks suck. They fall down the ball of your heal and make walking a chore. Tall socks for now on.
11.12.09
10.12.09
7.12.09
9.11.09
4.11.09
The pool and the black box
Imagine your entire being as a pool of water. This pool is calm and cool; provoking thought and well-being, being the way your consciousness experiences life. There is one problem however: a little black box is the pool which contains a poisons liquid. This black box represents negativity and poison in ones mind. Some may call it ego, others the areas of our being which are painful and causes us to react unwisely. This is the part of our mind that is dangerous to our soul as a violent force to the box can cause an uncontrollable loop of negativity and self-destruction that will consume both precious time in containing the toxins (if at all possible) and rebuilding character and self-respect.
There are two ways to control the black box. Way one is to purposely release the toxins so that the box never has a chance to explode. The water becomes diluted, however, sacfricing the purity of the greater pool. This is like letting your ego take over in a small way, letting it control all aspects of your being. There is a healthy way to do this, but you must be aware of your actions towards others and not be cruel. I believe people who do this usually demand respect and will stand up for themselves, which is good because others will respect you and not walk on you. This is different than people with explosive tempers.
The second option can be risky, as it requires one to be aware of the box in an attempt to preventing it from accidentally exploding. There are currents that will flow through your pool and certain ones will break open the box. The trick is knowing yourself as to control the box and the current. To accomplish this ones soul must behave like water. People who do this are calm to be around, say few words and are hard to upset. The down side is that some people way walk over you, and mistake your attitude for weakness. This is their mistake and the offenders should be pitied; they do not understand happiness. Other people, however, will admire you.
There are two ways to control the black box. Way one is to purposely release the toxins so that the box never has a chance to explode. The water becomes diluted, however, sacfricing the purity of the greater pool. This is like letting your ego take over in a small way, letting it control all aspects of your being. There is a healthy way to do this, but you must be aware of your actions towards others and not be cruel. I believe people who do this usually demand respect and will stand up for themselves, which is good because others will respect you and not walk on you. This is different than people with explosive tempers.
The second option can be risky, as it requires one to be aware of the box in an attempt to preventing it from accidentally exploding. There are currents that will flow through your pool and certain ones will break open the box. The trick is knowing yourself as to control the box and the current. To accomplish this ones soul must behave like water. People who do this are calm to be around, say few words and are hard to upset. The down side is that some people way walk over you, and mistake your attitude for weakness. This is their mistake and the offenders should be pitied; they do not understand happiness. Other people, however, will admire you.
18.10.09
So ready to be out of school or
More ready to be out of Conway
This place is relentless in its annoyance.
Always knock knock "Hey Ben, have you seen _________"
"Hey Ben, you mind if I hang out while contributing nothing to the conversation, my life, or the betterment of society."
God damnit fuckers. Do you ever hang out with people you actually like, or is it the people who live in proximity you like to drive bananas. Because you can't drive, because you don't have a car, because you refuse to go to school or get a job. When is the last time I've been to visit you??? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. I don't even know where you live, and lets keep it that way.
In line at the grocery store it was behind this lady who was fat. Her kids, who had to be 5 and 7, were also becoming fat. All they had in their cart was junk food, i.e. three bags of Halloween candy and 2-two leader cokes. I felt pity for the children because they were being raised in a life of obesity. 8 ounces of sugar in drinks, candy, hamburgers, not to mention diabetes and prescription pills, will all be normal and life just wont be as 'sweet' without them. What is sweet is life without guilt; guilt whose source is known but seldom acknowledged. So what of the mother who is inadvertently poisoning her most cherished relationships in life, what is she guilty of. Ignorance, sure. A false sense of security, sure. How far does her extent of blame go, do we blame her for poisoning her children when she is broke and this is all she can afford? Do we blame the makers of such unnecessary 'food', or the market for demanding it. Do we blame the advertisers for crafting commercials that enforce a belief that we must have these products, do we blame the researchers who discovered how to make the human subconscious crave these empty calories with their bright colors and flashy advertisement. Do we blame the CEO's for exploiting human weakness for a shit ton of money, do we blame the government for giving us the right to make bad decisions? Ask anyone in any of these fields and they will tell you the blood is not on their hands. I believe, however, that the blood is everywhere: On you, on me, on the CEO's, on the government, on the workers in the factories. We are to distracted with fucking football, celebrity's, and what passes as news these days to begin to care, and thats just easiest for all parties involved. Blood is the new clean
It is so hard to find people to relate to these days; it's frustrating. The people around me I either reject imminently out of my environment because they come with such an incredible sense of negativity, or are genuinely amazing people but are sooooooo self-righteous and ethnocentric that any opposing point of view or paradigm they will imminently shut down any sense of wonder or open mindless. I'm just ready for a dynamic relationship with one who is also open minded, thoughtful, caring, playful, and has a sense of purpose (also assuming you don't leave the fucking state). I'm so tired of sounds and noises: touches and smiles is all thats now required. I'm actually extremely good at reading body language, no need to talk or explain about who you want to be, show me with a gesture or yell at me with an stern look. Don't ever say you love me, open up your onion and show me the pure humanity within; the trust alone feels more like love than any vibration you could summon.
I know I'm on a different path than everyone I've met. But I'm strong, I can pick myself up and follow through. I get tired of fighting though, and I know when I get tired of pushing against the contentious current that it is time to rest. There is no where to rest, and even the greatest strength fades when it has nothing to resonate against. I thrive off of new angles of which to look through life, and I get pleasure from doing the same for you.
"Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free "
I need to get out of here. I know who I am, but I need to find someone else who knows too.
More ready to be out of Conway
This place is relentless in its annoyance.
Always knock knock "Hey Ben, have you seen _________"
"Hey Ben, you mind if I hang out while contributing nothing to the conversation, my life, or the betterment of society."
God damnit fuckers. Do you ever hang out with people you actually like, or is it the people who live in proximity you like to drive bananas. Because you can't drive, because you don't have a car, because you refuse to go to school or get a job. When is the last time I've been to visit you??? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. I don't even know where you live, and lets keep it that way.
In line at the grocery store it was behind this lady who was fat. Her kids, who had to be 5 and 7, were also becoming fat. All they had in their cart was junk food, i.e. three bags of Halloween candy and 2-two leader cokes. I felt pity for the children because they were being raised in a life of obesity. 8 ounces of sugar in drinks, candy, hamburgers, not to mention diabetes and prescription pills, will all be normal and life just wont be as 'sweet' without them. What is sweet is life without guilt; guilt whose source is known but seldom acknowledged. So what of the mother who is inadvertently poisoning her most cherished relationships in life, what is she guilty of. Ignorance, sure. A false sense of security, sure. How far does her extent of blame go, do we blame her for poisoning her children when she is broke and this is all she can afford? Do we blame the makers of such unnecessary 'food', or the market for demanding it. Do we blame the advertisers for crafting commercials that enforce a belief that we must have these products, do we blame the researchers who discovered how to make the human subconscious crave these empty calories with their bright colors and flashy advertisement. Do we blame the CEO's for exploiting human weakness for a shit ton of money, do we blame the government for giving us the right to make bad decisions? Ask anyone in any of these fields and they will tell you the blood is not on their hands. I believe, however, that the blood is everywhere: On you, on me, on the CEO's, on the government, on the workers in the factories. We are to distracted with fucking football, celebrity's, and what passes as news these days to begin to care, and thats just easiest for all parties involved. Blood is the new clean
It is so hard to find people to relate to these days; it's frustrating. The people around me I either reject imminently out of my environment because they come with such an incredible sense of negativity, or are genuinely amazing people but are sooooooo self-righteous and ethnocentric that any opposing point of view or paradigm they will imminently shut down any sense of wonder or open mindless. I'm just ready for a dynamic relationship with one who is also open minded, thoughtful, caring, playful, and has a sense of purpose (also assuming you don't leave the fucking state). I'm so tired of sounds and noises: touches and smiles is all thats now required. I'm actually extremely good at reading body language, no need to talk or explain about who you want to be, show me with a gesture or yell at me with an stern look. Don't ever say you love me, open up your onion and show me the pure humanity within; the trust alone feels more like love than any vibration you could summon.
I know I'm on a different path than everyone I've met. But I'm strong, I can pick myself up and follow through. I get tired of fighting though, and I know when I get tired of pushing against the contentious current that it is time to rest. There is no where to rest, and even the greatest strength fades when it has nothing to resonate against. I thrive off of new angles of which to look through life, and I get pleasure from doing the same for you.
"Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free "
I need to get out of here. I know who I am, but I need to find someone else who knows too.
8.9.09
Sitting Rock
By Ben Mathews
Sitting patiently for hundreds of years
at the peek of the gentle hill
Carved by the hand of time
perfectly, to accommodate the mischievous
presents of children.
The splendor sprinters ran down the hill,
letting gravity do the work
arms out, hoping to be first in flight
Splashing the leafy puddle,
dodging fallen limbs.
Exploring hidden hideouts, building the club house
out of wooden box crates. And often,
Days wasted like the old mattress,
Coiled springs poking out like twisted frozen snakes.
The crisp chilled smell of October
A brisk wind rolling in
Dried leaves, some still clinging to their trees
The echo of a distant wood pecker, dancing
of falling leaves. The smell of the dust of natures rust.
Tired, resting in the bucket seat of the
Sitting rock, tummies rumbling as nights
Fingers crept over our imaginations.
Returning home, we left sitting rock there
Waiting patiently for hundreds of years to come.
Sitting patiently for hundreds of years
at the peek of the gentle hill
Carved by the hand of time
perfectly, to accommodate the mischievous
presents of children.
The splendor sprinters ran down the hill,
letting gravity do the work
arms out, hoping to be first in flight
Splashing the leafy puddle,
dodging fallen limbs.
Exploring hidden hideouts, building the club house
out of wooden box crates. And often,
Days wasted like the old mattress,
Coiled springs poking out like twisted frozen snakes.
The crisp chilled smell of October
A brisk wind rolling in
Dried leaves, some still clinging to their trees
The echo of a distant wood pecker, dancing
of falling leaves. The smell of the dust of natures rust.
Tired, resting in the bucket seat of the
Sitting rock, tummies rumbling as nights
Fingers crept over our imaginations.
Returning home, we left sitting rock there
Waiting patiently for hundreds of years to come.
1.9.09
30.8.09
Everything will Change
From the sun to the moon
To me and you
Nothing stays the same
It all rearranges
Holding on it pointless
We all make changes
Nothing is constant
except that we must live with it
Energy and atoms
The space that’s all around us
It all collapses
Turning solids to gasses
Everything will change
Please don’t complain
It makes every moment precious
And the possibilities endless
If you’re loved today
You’re loved forever
If you were loved yesterday
Then everything is ok
To me and you
Nothing stays the same
It all rearranges
Holding on it pointless
We all make changes
Nothing is constant
except that we must live with it
Energy and atoms
The space that’s all around us
It all collapses
Turning solids to gasses
Everything will change
Please don’t complain
It makes every moment precious
And the possibilities endless
If you’re loved today
You’re loved forever
If you were loved yesterday
Then everything is ok
26.8.09
Conan: What gods do you pray to?
Subotai: I pray to the four winds... and you?
Conan: To Crom... but I seldom pray to him, he doesn't listen.
Subotai: [chuckles] What good is he then? Ah, it's just as I've always said.
Conan: He is strong! If I die, I have to go before him, and he will ask me, "What is the riddle of steel?" If I don't know it, he will cast me out of Valhalla and laugh at me. That's Crom, strong on his mountain!
Subotai: Ah, my god is greater.
Conan: [chuckles] Crom laughs at your four winds. He laughs from his mountain.
Subotai: My god is stronger. He is the everlasting sky! Your god lives underneath him.
[Conan shoots Subotai a skeptical look. Subotai laughs]
Subotai: I pray to the four winds... and you?
Conan: To Crom... but I seldom pray to him, he doesn't listen.
Subotai: [chuckles] What good is he then? Ah, it's just as I've always said.
Conan: He is strong! If I die, I have to go before him, and he will ask me, "What is the riddle of steel?" If I don't know it, he will cast me out of Valhalla and laugh at me. That's Crom, strong on his mountain!
Subotai: Ah, my god is greater.
Conan: [chuckles] Crom laughs at your four winds. He laughs from his mountain.
Subotai: My god is stronger. He is the everlasting sky! Your god lives underneath him.
[Conan shoots Subotai a skeptical look. Subotai laughs]
25.8.09
24.8.09
23.8.09
3.8.09
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