Pain and Permeant Release

I feel powered by the absence of negative emotions.

The "base Ben" is content, like when I'm home alone doing the things that I naturally gravitate towards.  Then, something negative happens and I dwell on it.  I begin to think of all the other instances of when the same emotion occurred - where I was wronged or slighted.  My heart hardens and I say "Never again!"  So, at the first sign of a perceived slight, I rashly say something to a loved one.  I hurt them, but I also hurt untold numbers of people in the future, because i just perpetuated the cycle.

We receive pain from others.  Others receive pain from others.  What we all want is understanding.  Understanding can begin the healing process.  We were all beautiful babies, something sacred to our mothers.  How do we get back there, before we were scarred by the world?  When I'm having a bad day, there is a particular baby picture I like to look at that reminds me that I wasn't always like this.  I try to remember this about other people who have hurt me - that they were once beautiful babies, who were super sensitive children who had negative experiences.

In that picture, maybe I was super happy, but I like to think that I had more an absent of pain.  Now, when my mind holds unpleasantness, instead of remembering it, I try to let go and forgive, by forgiving myself or others.